Hello again. It’s that wonderful time of the year when the best pro sports season is about to begin, when the NFL is getting through it’s stupid preseason games that no one watches and no one cares about before the real thing starts, when you start making a mental list of how many games the Chiefs can win this season (shit, I think they can go 15-1, don’t you?), when you pen (not pencil) in two victories against the hated Raiders and at least one against the vile Broncos, when you hope the K.C. defense can at least slow somebody (Peyton Manning, anyone?) down, when the only goal that matters is winning the Vince Lombardi trophy or the season is a total failure – in other words, Hell, I’m setting myself up for a fall. Again. (But at least I won’t cry like Michelle did when the Raiders choked it off against the Buccaneers.)

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(Mostly) on location in San Francisco

Hello again. It’s that wonderful time of the year when the Cardinals are 10 games ahead of the floundering Cubs, when St. Louis swept the final two games at Wrigley Field (the second one from waaaayyy behind), when the Cards’ pitching has been much better than mediocre, when the offense can bail out the pitching when it sucks, when I’m hoping for the best but expecting the worst, when I’m waiting for Tony La Russa to do something stupid so I can start hating him again, when I’m watching for the other shoe to drop as the Cardinals implode – in other words, Can we fast-forward to the end of the season please?

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Hello again. It’s that wonderful time of the year when we missed out on the big Megamillions $280 million jackpot, when we wasted at least $30 on tickets once it got to my $100 million threshold for buying, when I had already made plans for us to head to Hawaii from San Francisco and wait for our passports to arrive before setting off on global adventure in Italy, Ireland and Australia for starters, when I envisioned a life of leisure and luxury – in other words, my daydreams were shot to hell once again.

Hello again. It’s that wonderful time of the year when the rain has just about stopped, when the yard is just about to call it quits for the summer, when I Ortho sprayed all the clover that was quickly taking over the lawn, when said spraying resulted in our yard now having huge yellow, dead patches, when What do you mean Ortho Basic Solutions ™ is “NOT recommended for spot weed control in lawns since Basic Solutions ™ Weed and Grass Killer kills all green plants, including lawn grass"? – in other words, When all else fails, read the directions. Dummy.

Hello again. It’s that wonderful time of the year when I’m – finally – starting to work regular, when I might actually make enough money in a month so that Michelle doesn’t have to bail my ass out and help me with my bills, when I can afford to take us out to eat without worrying about the next car payment, when I get a full 40 hours on my weekly paycheck, when I have less time to fart around on the computer for hours on end in the morning – in other words, god, I miss those two- and three-day workweeks.

Hi, I wrote this a week ago, but I had some sort of e-mail error come up, so I don't know if you got it. So here goes (again. Maybe.). Joe It's that wonderful time of the year when turkey sandwiches qualify as cooking and you can feel the inevitable winter weight starting to settle around your belt so that you have that donelap disease (as in, my belly donelap over my belt). And you think, Why can't everything come with elastic in the waist?